Is it butterflies???

I’ve been in bed ALL weekend. I’ve been feeling off lately and didn’t know why. So I went to google and typed in my symptoms. (Because its cheaper than going to a therapist) My diagnosis: Nervous Stomach (it’s a real thing). So I found an article by Dr. Oz ( He was on Oprah, so he has to know what he’s talking about, right?)  and he has 2 steps to help soothe a nervous stomach. Step 1: Find your Stomach Soothing Hero and Step 2: Harness your Stress Response. So I begin to write down everything that is worrying me. 

School starting and possibly not getting FASFA. Not passing my classes AGAIN, not being focused. (Things that I can control in a sense if I study and focus) 

My lease is coming up and I’m not sure if I should renew. Depending on what my rent goes up too I may not be able to afford it (there goes that financial worry) I’m kind of tired of moving because it costs money and my furniture can’t take another move. I’ve moved four times since 2014. That’s a lot even for a military family. 

Traveling back home in the next 24-30 hours. While I am happy to see my family and friends, the 12 (14) hour bus ride is a lot on anyone. The thought of getting on a plane scares me to no end. I also know that after a few days we will all be at our wits end with one another. I really hate that because we don’t see each other often and I truly miss my family. I sometimes wonder if moving out of state was the right choice for me.

Work and everything that comes with it. Still not fully understanding my role and how to answer clients questions is a little uneasy feeling. I can not tell you the number of times I receive an email from a client I a stare blankly at the computer screen because I have absolutely no idea how to answer their question. I’ve always wanted to be my own boss, but do I really have what it takes? (There goes that great pep talk I have with myself all too often)

 My savings account isn’t where it should be at my age. (Financial worry…again) if I lost my job tomorrow, I don’t know what I would do. I don’t have anyone here that I could stay with until I got back on my feet…that really scares me. I don’t want to live in my car and all my belongs get thrown out on the curb (that maybe a little far fetch but you see where I’m going with this)

Being on a debt free journey and I’m still accumulating debt. From student loan to credit card. It seems as if I can’t grasp it or where to start (what do you know there goes financial worry yet again) I didn’t have credit card debt all year until now. From the dentist to my impulsive shopping ugh

I fear of being ill and not knowing what to do about it. I live alone and fear one night I will get violently ill and no one will know. Seriously, no one will know if something happens to me (maybe my dad because we talk every morning) 

I fear the unknown like what my future holds and death. (Wow I said it) I know my parents/granny/aunt won’t be here forever but yet I sit and watch the phone ring when they call. You’d think I would cherish them while they are here. I haven’t spoken to my grandmother in a month! (Why? Family gossip…shows my maturity) I often wonder if I will find my husband and have kids and live happily ever after. The thought of being alone the rest of my life scares me. Waking up every single day feeling less of a woman because I don’t have anyone to share my life with. 

I can’t control everything and that scares me…A LOT 

I fear karma (maybe this is it) and I’m waiting for her to come back around. I’ve asked God for forgiveness but maybe I wasn’t sincere enough. I feel as if I don’t deserve happiness or positivity in my life. Funny thing, I can speak life into others but not myself…

I’m literally making myself ill with worry and of course that scares me too…

I have to continue to pray, take a deep breath and let God handle things. Pray for me and I’ll pray for you too my friends.

Check out Dr. Oz’s article below

http://www.doctoroz.com/article/plan-soothe-nervous-stomach

Signed, Selena 

P.S. 

I know it’s been way too long. Stay with me and I promise it’ll be worth it 💕

Let’s talk about this in the comment section. I’d love to hear your thoughts